This life, each stage has things to do and distances that can be calculated.
The pain in this stage is not the grades, but being isolated
It's not that "he doesn't know how to make friends," but "he can't find his place in this group."
Verification Signals (count as verified if two or more are hit):
· Always alone during breaks
· Never invited to events
· Clearly flatters or attacks
Social Asset
This stage's social asset is "I have a place in the group."
It comes from three sources:
① A skill that others need——knows how to draw, knows how to play soccer, knows how to tell jokes
② A stable small circle——not many, 2-3 are enough
③ Someone helps when bullied
If all three are missing, he will use flattery or aggression to exchange for a place.Teaching him "something he can do" is more useful than teaching him "to fit in."
Have a few real friends
Not lonely at school
Be accepted
Definition
Fixed playmate number · Invited number · Initiated number
How to Calculate
Ask: Who do you play with during breaks; has anyone invited you
Healthy Range
≥2 fixed playmates · Invited ≥1 time per month · Initiates
Say "You're not social enough" —— He attributes the cause to himself
Force him to fit in —— He will resist more
Teach him to flatter others —— He will lose himself
Say "Endure it" when bullied —— Will form long-term trauma
Only look at grades and not social —— Social is more influential on mental health than grades in this stage
First find something he can do well (even origami)
Help him maintain 1-2 fixed playmates (initiate the invitation)
Teach him a sentence to refuse ("I don't like this")
When bullied: stand by him first, then discuss the solution
Don't pressure him with "You have to fit in," use "You have your place"