This life, each stage has things to do and distances that can be calculated.
During this period, he may do many things that are not like him to "not be left behind."
It's not that "he doesn't fit in," but that "he wants to be accepted so much that he doesn't dare to be himself."
Verification Signals (count as verified if two or more are met):
· Has done somethingclearly against his will to fit in
· Online socializing is much more than offline
· Has obvious social anxiety (dare not speak up/avoid gatherings)
Social Asset
This stage's social asset is "I can be myself, and there are people who are willing to be with me"。
The belief comes from:
① At least one friend who can tell the truth
② One successful experience of saying "no"
③ Being accepted is not "performance," but "personality"
If he only learns to please others during this stage, he will carry this pattern for a long time.Teaching him "it's okay to be disliked" is the most important social lesson of this stage.
Have a few real friends
Don't have to pretend
Be accepted
Definition
Number of real friends · Refusal ability · Offline socializing duration
How to calculate
How many can tell the truth; whether you can say "no"
Healthy Range
≥1 real friend · Can refuse · Weekly offline ≥3 times
Say "You should make more friends" —— He has already tried very hard
Mock his friends —— It will make him more secretive
Only look at grades —— This stage has the highest psychological risk
Ignore online socializing —— That is his real social scene
Force him to attend parties —— It will increase his anxiety
First, make sure he has 1 friend who can tell the truth (not necessarily many)
Teach him to say "no": practice from small things ("I don't want to go today")
Don't judge his friends, first understand
If he is isolated: help him find a "same" circle (interests/online)
Tell him: it's okay to be disliked, what's important is that you are still here