This life, each stage has things to do and distances that can be calculated.
This is one of the biggest decisions in life
It's not about "should I get married," but "I'm afraid of making the wrong choice and also afraid of missing out, and everyone is pressing me."
Verification Signals (count as valid if two or more are met):
· The main motivation for marriage is age/parents/pressure
· Key issues (money/children/parents) have never been discussed
· There are obvious red flags in the relationship but ignored
Relationship is also an asset
Marriage is a long-term partnership agreement, not a prize for love.
Four things to discuss before signing:
① Money——how to spend, how to save, who manages
② Children——whether to have, who takes care of, how to educate
③ Parents——whether to live together, how to support
④ Where to live——city, house, commuting
These four things not discussed clearly will wear away love. Clear discussion is the true fit.
Choose the right person
Not being pressed to make decisions
Not regretting
Definition
Consensus on key issues · Conflict resolution ability · Degree of independent decision-making
How to calculate
How many of the following four things have been discussed: money/children/parents/where to live; whether you can get along after arguing
Healthy Range
Discuss all four things · Can get along after arguing · The decision is your own
Getting married because of age —— Age is not a reason
Getting married because of parents' urging —— You are the one living after marriage
Thinking "it's okay to get married" —— Problems won't disappear automatically
Avoiding discussing money —— Money is the number one reason for divorce
Ignoring red flags —— Control, violence, deceit, not even once
Firstly, discuss the following four things clearly: money/children/parents/where to live
Observe the ability to resolve conflicts after conflicts (more important than not arguing)
Confirm that this decision is your own, not pushed by others
Keep your own economic independence and social circle
Don't use "he will change" to convince yourself if there are obvious red flags