This life, each stage has things to do and distances that can be calculated.
Children have grown up, and you need to face each other again
Not "Should we get a divorce," but "What's left between us when the children are independent."
Verification Signals (count as valid if two or more are met):
· All communication revolves around the children
· Never discussed "What will we do after the children leave"
· One or both have emotionally withdrawn
Relationship is also an asset
This stage is the second choice of the relationship:
When the children were young, you were "teammates"; when the children grew up, the team relationship ended, and you need to become "partners" again.
Ask three questions:
① What can we talk about without talking about the children?
② Am I willing to live with him for the next twenty years?
③ If I had to choose again, would I choose him?
The answer is not important, honesty is important.
Know what's left in this relationship
Either fix it or just
Don't drag on
Definition
Percentage of conversations not about children · Common activities · Relationship willingness
How to calculate
Calculate: How much of your conversation is not about children
Healthy Range
Non-child topics ≥50% · Common activities · Both are willing to continue
Wait until the children's college entrance examination is over —— It's harder at the end
Hardly hold on for "completeness" —— A hollow family is bad for everyone
Adultery to make up —— It can't solve the fundamental problem
Blame only the other person —— The relationship is between two people
Impulsive divorce without preparation —— Calculate the reality first
First calculate: How much of your conversation is not about children
Try to rebuild a common hobby (even if it's a walk)
Honestly ask yourself those three questions
If you want to fix it: Do something new together
If you want to separate: First talk about money, house, and children, then talk about feelings