This life, each stage has things to do and distances that can be calculated.
This stage's environment is pulled from both ends
It's not "the house is not big enough," but "three generations are crammed into a space, and no one has their own place."
Verification signals (count as valid if two or more are met):
· Family conflicts ≥3 times a week
· No one has an independent space
· Long-term running between two ends (parents/children)
Definition of environment
This stage's environmental problem is essentially space and boundaries：
① Physical space——Does everyone have a place they can close the door to
② Time boundary——When not to talk about things
③ Role boundary——Who decides what
The biggest problem with living with three generations is ③ is blurred: the elderly control the children, the parents control the elderly, and everyone thinks they are right. Defining boundaries is not cold, but to make the relationship last.
The house can be quieter
Everyone has their own space
Don't have to run between two ends
Definition
Family conflict frequency · Independent space · Running time
How to calculate
Count how many times itarguments in a week; does everyone have a place to be alone
Healthy range
Conflict ≤1 time/week · Everyone has an independent space · Running ≤2 times/week
Reliance on "tolerance" to maintain peace —— Tolerance leads to a more serious outbreak one day
Everyonecrowded into one space —— No alone time means no recovery
Take on all the responsibilities of the elderly and children —— You will collapse first
Think that moving to a bigger house will solve it —— Unclear boundaries, big houses are also noisy
Avoid discussing division of labor —— Default to unfairness
First ensure that everyone has a "place they can close the door to" (even if it's small)
Set "no talk time" periods (e.g., 1 hour after dinner)
Define responsibilities: who is responsible for what, write it down
Share the responsibilities of the elderly and children with siblings, don't bear it alone
If it's really not working, living separately is not a failure, it's a loss