This life, each stage has things to do and distances that can be calculated.

The relationship between parents is the first marriage lesson for children

At this stage, the child has no marriage, but he is learning what "intimate relationships" look like.

Distress→Need→Relationship Assets→Desire→Gap→Path

1Distress · What will he say

Does the constant fighting between parents have a big impact on children

Should we stay married for the child

How will the child react if he sees us fighting

How to take care of children when the couple's relationship is not good

What will the child in a single-parent family lack

How to handle conflicts in front of the child

2Real Need · How to verify

It's not about "how good our relationship is," but about "how we get along, which is becoming the child's future self.".

Verification Signals (count two or more to be considered):
　· Conflicts in front of the child ≥2 times a week
　· Cold war lasts more than 3 days
　· The child is obviously anxious (clingy/withdrawn/sleeping poorly)

3What are the relationship assets at this stage

Relationship is also an asset

This stage's most important asset is not "a complete family," but the way of cohabitation the child sees.

He will learn three things:
① What to do in conflict——fight, cold war, or talk
② What intimacy is——is it safe to get close or dangerous
③ What it feels like to be loved——do I deserve to be loved

These three will follow him for a lifetime."Staying married for the child" if it turns into daily cold war, the child will learn worse.

4Desire · What does it look like specifically

Give the child a stable home

We don't fight in front of the child

He knows what a good relationship is

5Indicator · How to calculate

Definition

Frequency of conflict in front of the child · Days of cold war · The child's emotional signals

How to calculate

Record for a week: how many times to fight in front of the child, how many days of cold war, whether the child has any abnormalities

Healthy Range

No conflict in front of the child · Cold war ≤1 day · The child's emotions are stable

6Gap · Divided into three levels

MildOccasional arguments → Learn to avoid children

ModerateFrequent conflicts/cold war → Need to deal with the relationship itself

SevereDomestic violence/long-term enmity → Prioritize protecting the child's safety

7Common Misconceptions · The wrong path to take

Fight in front of the child —— He learns that "relationship is mutual harm"

Use "for you" to bind the child —— He will grow up with guilt

Cold war as if nothing happened —— The child is more sensitive than adults, he knows

Don't fight at all (repression) —— The child learns that "emotions cannot be expressed"

Speak poorly of the partner —— Half of him comes from him, he will self-negate

8The right path

Set a rule: don't fight in front of the child, discuss differences at a different time

If you have already fought, make up in front of the child once (so he sees the repair)

If the cold war lasts more than one day, say somethingproactively (even if it's just "we'll talk later")

Let the child see a warm interaction once a day (hugs/thank you/together do things)

If the relationship has hurt the child, prioritize protecting him

Core Judgment: Relationship is also an asset——it requires investment, will produce returns, and will naturally decline without investment.
Limitation: This is a judgment framework, does not constitute psychological counseling. Seek professional help for serious situations.

Marriage Line · 0–6 · One of the 80 cells